I stared at the strip and my eyes lit up, my mind smiled and the sun even seemed to glow better. I had just got a 7.0 for my ph balance reading. I don't know why it shocked me so much to see such health. I should have known that is what it was right? Yet, somehow ph strips can sometimes really surprise you.
Ok, I have to break and bring you into my moment before I go any further, this is my blog right. SO my mind is weak, my body is tired and I am freezing cold in this icebox of a Holiday Inn in Cody, Wy. I have been on the road since June 21rst and have been in this amazing school program since June 7th. THE amazing school program I have dreamt of and waited patiently to be ready to go to for 5 and 1/2 years. I remember when I first talked with the school with definite intentions of doing the paperwork and setting a start date. I cried. Literally, I teared up and thanked the woman for being so incredible and felt like the World was begininning to turn a little faster now.
And here I find myself, two years later. Freezing and sad and feeling so let down by myself to be writing my PH blog weeks late. It is a shock to see it written down. See, I never view any of my assignments as obligation, as a 'homework' piece. I see the opportunity to have my mind sent in the right directions from the right people with the greatest group to bring enlightenment every step of the way. I see the growth of my soul and happily sit at the computer typing in searches and reading pages upon pages of information. Why? Because it is what I have wanted to do for 8 years. That's right, for 8 years I have wanted to sit here and type this to you. I have been patiently awaiting the time that Dr. H and Linda Bennett were going to open my mind to questions that are beyond me but reachable. Expansion. It's all the beauty and awesome power of expanding the mind.
So I sit here and shake my head. I know I have been downing myself, I know I have been hurt by my mishaps. I know it affects my PH value, yet how do I remedy this unjustice to self? I go back to my travels now. I have been on the road so long now, and not the way I thought I would be. I was planning to buy an RV with my school loans, planning to drive around with a satellite and full time internet wherever my little heart could dare to go. No problems, minor challenges, and the dream beyond the dream. Then the fall began, my computer was dropped and over 4 weeks became unacceptable to use. My school loan was actually coming two months later too. Now this hit me mid July and I wasn't sure what to do but knew I was going to do it and succeed. So I, already having packed all my things and full time traveling, could only send out a prayer and roll with it. I was there having left my job a month earlier, and all of a sudden my plan fell through. So I took what was left of my cash and headed onwards into the unknown. I was up to the challenge then, and for quite some time, despite all the road blocks I faced, keeping up. But it has finally caught me. I know I am strong and driven and will succeed, but I am ready to land. To have my space, to have a time for quiet and for study. To not feel so weighted by something I love and desire so much.
That's the part that gets me. Even in the metaphor the 'weight' of this program is just something I feel shouldn't be there. Could you say your passion was an obligation? That's how it feels and it is making me just feel totally lost.
I take all this in and wonder how does this thinking, this anxiety and sadness affect my PH balance. That's where I was so glad and surprised to see the PH so high. The test having just been taken on the side of the road next to the semi my sister and I had just hitched a ride across South Dakota with. Ha, life is crazy, Ph is truth, and I feel that weight being lifted already. Despite all these crazy emotions there is still the incredible feeling of how blessed I am to have this dilema. I am going to do a more efficient, week long PH test to see where truly my alkalinity lies, but until then I am going to breathe deep, eat as healthy as the road and my pocket allows, and smile. Oh, this crazy beautiful life I live, thanks for being a part of my journey and for reading all this too. I feel better now, I might even be warmer here in this ice box hotel I find myself iin. Hah, dream on kid~
*Update*
The morning Ph is 5.5 and I was somewhat taken aback at having such a low ph. I am going to keep up the testing now that I have the strips and we will see how the ph turns out tonight.
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